The Morning Of Day Zero

I just woke up from a very much needed sleep.  It is amazing how powerful this Melphalan is.  And I know I am only feeling the begining effects of it. Right now just feeling nausea and that wiped out feeling again.  I was just told by the nurse that I am very dehydrated so I guess I need to drink up.  I haven't had much of an appetite.  So time to drink up!

Yesterday I had a very busy day with visitors.  It was great to see everyone.  The morning started out with Mike and his mom who were here for most of the day.  Then I had a nice visit from a woman who works in the hospital who is a Reiki Master.  She performed  Reiki on my for about 20 minutes.  It was wonderful!!  I felt so peaceful and was able to escape from this little fishbowl for awhile.

Then came along Suzi, and then My Aunt Sue, my sister Karen and my cousin Suzanne.  It was so great to see all of them.  My aunt brought me a huge rainbow mylar balloon.  My room is full of  rainbows and bright colors it is great.  Every nurse that comes in wants to stay in here!  After a nice visit Mikey literally kicked them out so that I could rest.  He is so protective!  They all understood, and I was exhausted.

I was ready to take a nap when a nurse came in and offered to shave my head.  For the past couple of days I wake up to  hair all over my pillow.  When I take a shower lots of it falls out all on to my hands.  And when I was drying off my towel was covered in it.  It's really falling out!  So much for trying to be one patient that doesn't lose their hair.  Mine is falling out as fast just like the little remaining leaves on the trees outside.  As the hair follicles die, it causes your scalp to hurt.  It feels like pins and needles are being stuck in to a giant pin cushion, which is my head.  So this wonderful nurse came in with her buzzer and shaved it right down to the scalp!  Yup I'm pretty much bald!

Well after that fun was over, Mike brought in a special suprise guest, My funny Uncle John!  He always brings a big smile to my face.  As many of you know him, he is also a little follicle challenged.  So we laughed  how he could put on a johnny and walk up and down the hallway with a mask and gloves and he could definitely pass a patient!



After all the visitors left Mike and I were alone in the room.  I called the kids.  I miss them so much.  They sound incredible on the phone but I miss all of their hugs and kisses.  Mitch got on the the phone and confessed to me that while he was in class he thought of me and he got very sad and tried to hold back the tears.  That broke my heart.  This is so difficult on all of them.  I know I need to go through this but I still have my moments where I am so sad that they need to go through this.  How scary for the kids and Mike with having me in here for 3 weeks and knowing I am going to feel very sick before I start to get better.  Especially knowing the fact that I walked into this hospital feeling absolutely healthy and fine. 

I am now starting to really feel the fatigue everyone tells you about that chemo can cause.  Just taking a slow stroll up and down the hallway wipes me out.  My appetite is no longer there and the thought of food makes me a little sick.  Even with my hair as short as it is, I still woke up to it all over my pillow.  It is happening right before my eyes.  As they say, they need to bring you down all the way down before you can be brought back up.  So I guess I am heading in the down slope right now.  Before Mike left last night, I just lost it in his arms.  If felt good to be honest with him and just let all my emotions show, but at the same time I know how difficult this is for him.  After he left, I cried myself to sleep.

Well today is what they consider my Rebirth Day, Day Zero!!  I will be receiving my 5 million stem cells back.  The chemo has destroyed all my bone marrow and now its time for the stem cells to come back in and do their job. This will be happening at around noon time.  As Mikey puts it this is the time they reboot my system!  We'll be sure to take photos of the event.

Thank you for all your love and support.  Being stuck in this fishbowl is very difficult but your incredible messages keep me going. 
Love  to you all-
Jeanie