And So It Begins

It is hard to believe the day I have long awaited and dreaded is finally here.  Today I get admitted to Brigham and Woman's Hospital in Boston where I will a resident/patient for at least the next weeks.  It is crazy how fast time has passed since my diagnosis in June.  For a while it seemed as though days just passed and I was completely checked out of life.  When I found out I had cancer  I  felt like I had died inside.  I felt like my life was taken away from me without warning.  I was petrified, sad, lonely, and angry.  It also had seemed like the cancer progressed quite quickly.  My bone pain was so severe that no pain meds seemed to take it away.  I was weak, in chronic pain and unable to sleep.  Caring for my family was not even an option.  The first two months loved ones stepped in and cared for my children, cooked for them, did the grocery shopping.  All this happened while I laid uncomfortably and scared in my chair.  To put it bluntly, the summer sucked!  Well, for me anyways, fortunately my kids seemed to have a pretty good vacation and were kept busy.  I will be forever grateful for all of you who made that possible.

When September rolled around things started to improve.  The chemo was working!  I was off all pain meds and had no pain!  It was amazing.  I could pick my kids up and give them big hugs!  Heck I ran my own 5K for Multiple Myeloma!  Which happened to be one of the most amazing days of my life.  I was happy again!  Loving life and enjoying every moment.  Cancer was not defining me.  Yes it is a big piece of my life, but it is not going to define me or ruin my life.  I have enjoyed so much the last couple months of being the active mom and wife I love to be.  I have loved the homework, being a taxi, cheering on my kids in the games, even the nagging that is inevitable.  I am so grateful for all your prayers, support and positive energy.  It is because of all you that I believe I have responded so well to treatment and feel so strong today!

The last couple of weeks I have spent preparing for this very day.  I took the plunge and had my hair buzzed.  It was so hard, but I was surrounded by friends and family and I will never forget that night.  I can't say that I am actually getting used to the buzz look.  However, I can get ready so much quicker!   It is rather amusing, I have not lost a single strand of my hair to the Cytoxin.  I'll probably be the one patient who doesn't lose their hair!

Yesterday was a very tough day.  Our wonderful friends Barbara and Ed Koonz are taking care of the kids.  They will be staying with them until Thursday.  I stayed strong when we dropped them off and then completely lost it in the car.  It was definitely one of the most difficult moments of my life.  I am scared for them .  I know they will be in incredible hands, but I am sad they need to go through this.  The next time they see me it will be in a scary hospital and we will all be having to wear gloves and masks.  I pray they all stay healthy so they can visit me this weekend.   We talked to them this morning.  They all sound nervous.  Please keep them in your prayers. They are all so precious and have stayed strong for me, but as a mom I can hear in their voices how scared they really are.

Last night we went out to dinner with Jay and Beth.  We had a great time and after an emotional goodbye we went in the car only to find a message that registration had opened up for the Sudbury Spring Triathlon in May. Immediately Beth called me.  It was a sign!  So she insisted that Mike and I sign up.  So that is exactly what we did last night.  Hopefully my training can begin by Feb.  Of course Beth thinks it will begin Dec. 5th!

Well I am all packed up.  Quickest pack job ever. I small bag for 3 weeks.  I can't bring a whole lot.  I also have a bag filled with beautiful pictures all the kids and friends have made me and my banner from the 5K "Cancer Sucks".  And you know me I love photos.  So I have lots of frames filled with photos that make me smile and photo books.  I have my toys, PC, iPhone, headphones, and  suduko puzzles.  I am also am bringing a beautiful blanket friends of mine had made that has a photo of my family on it.  It was our Christmas photo from last year taken the day after Thanksgiving when we chopped down our Christmas Tree.  Also my friend Brenda brought by a beautiful colorful blanket she made me and the most wonderful Squg pillow. It is a pillow filled with memory foam, beautifully decorated.  Squg stands for a squeeze and hug.  And when you hug it is feels just like the big hugs I get from my kids every day. Brenda also gave ones to all my kids and they have them with them.  What a beautiful gift!

Well, it is like fate. My favorite song that has been my song through out this journey just came on...Glitter in the Air by Pink.  I love that song!  I guess it is time to take my shower and head to Boston.  We are expected to be in the hospital at 1pm.  I'll keep you all posted.  Love to you!

Jeanie
xoxox