Good Morning! I finally have a quiet moment to myself to write. The past couple of weeks I have been struggling with a lot of fatigue. To be honest I was just zapped of all my energy. I have been struggling with a cold for the last couple of weeks. It is my first cold since my stem cell transplant. With a new immune system, it is taking a longer than I would like to get over being sick. I guess that coupled with the fact that I just completed my 6th cycle of chemo is the reason I felt like I had been run over by a truck. Actually the fatigue I have been feeling reminds me of how I felt in the hospital. No energy, no motivation, just blah!
But last week I just tried to work through it and go about my day. I wasn't able to exercise but I was able to take care of the kids and manage the house. I also had to face a really hard decision. Our adorable new member of our family Chance began to display some very disturbing behavior. He was a sweetheart when at home with us. However anytime he met anyone new, whether it be on a walk or if someone came to the door, he showed very mixed signals. One minute he would be wagging his tail, the next he would be bark aggressively showing his teeth and lunging towards the visitor. Living in a neighborhood with over 20 kids and having kids in and out of my house constantly, I couldn't take the risk. So we made the difficult decision to bring Chance back to the shelter. Breaking the news to the kids on Thursday night was so sad. My kids cried like I have seen them cry before. They were heartbroken. I tried to explain that Chance would be better off in a home with less visitors, perhaps without kids and that we would be protecting him by giving him a new home. But no words could take away their sadness or mine for that matter. It was a hard lesson on learning that sometimes you need to love something or someone so much that you need to let them go. Although it was the most painful thing I've ever done, I was again amazed by my kids. They are so incredible. They loved that little dog unconditionally in just the short 3 weeks that we had him. They knew that I was devastated. They also knew that mommy had to do the hard part of dropping him off at the shelter. It was a moment I'll never forget. I felt as though I was giving up on my kids. When I got home my kids rallied and supported me and told me that I had done the right thing. Can you believe that? Every day my kids strength and incredible resilience continue to amaze me.
Yesterday, I finally hit the gym. I was able to drag myself on the treadmill and run 3 miles. It definitely was a struggle, but I felt great after. I have my first 5K of the year coming up in a few weeks. I also signed up to do a sprint triathlon on Mother's Day. Not sure what I was thinking doing that. I haven't been swimming since last year. So I am hoping that I will slowly get some energy and motivation to start training. I just ended my 6th cycle of chemo and next week I will be going to Dana Farber for a bone marrow biopsy. I am anxiously awaiting to find out if these last 2 cycles of chemo had an effect. I pray I am almost at a complete response and can begin maintenance. Other than the fatigue, physically I feel great. I have no bone pain! I am so grateful for that!
My hair is slowly coming in. It grew in so dark, so I had to do something about that. The girls helped me pick out a color which was supposed to be a light blonde. It came out a little more auburn than blonde. Oh well! It is great to go out without covering my head and I'm actually getting used to the short look. The kids informed me today that I had a little bed head!
Although spring is supposed to be here, we are expecting more snow tonight. Ugh! But spring sports are underway. We just found out that Mitchy made Majors for baseball. So we are all excited for his season! Baseball practices started last night. Sarah and Emily will be following in the their brother's shoes playing softball this year. Cam will be playing soccer.. Soon our weekends will be spent on the fields. Watching my kids play is one of my favorite things to do. So between the sports and Mike and I trying to train for our upcoming races, there are lots to look forward to . Flower has finally stopped looking around the house for Chance. We are so lucky with her she is an incredible dog. She is getting ready to start hitting the pavement with me for our morning runs.
Well for the next 7 days I am going to enjoy living drug free. I am hoping to gain back the strength that I have lost over the last month. This morning I am hitting the gym and then spending the afternoon with a dear friend for some much needed "girlfriend time". Let's hope the snow we get doesn't last long!
Thank you for your continuing prayers and support,
Hugs-
Jeanie
Dear Jean.
ReplyDeleteI feel like a broken record, but you never cease to amaze me. Of course your kids have such amazing strength, look at their momma!! That must have been very difficult on all of you to let Chance go but you are right, sometimes you just have to love something so much to let it go, being an owner of two dogs myself, if either one of them showed aggressive behaviors I would have to do the same thing when it came to the safety of my kids and others, thank God they are both loving, mild mannered dogs and my Rotttwheiler thinks he is a lap dog. I hope now that your chemo cycles are complete you gain that energy back(no doubt in my mind you won't!) I know in your upcoming races you will be nothing short of incredible, because every day you show the true fight of a champion, I love you sis:)
Love,
Karen
So sorry to hear about Chance. When there are kids involved, this is always the risk when adopting a pet and the kids have to come first naturally. Glad to hear you are gaining strength. I imagine just keeping up with your kids is a marathon in itself.
ReplyDeleteJean, your blog always touches me....and your story about Chance, well my husband had to bring our Charlie (Great Pyrenees) back to the shelter 6 weeks after we adopted him for the same thing...we thought he was doing better, but on Monday he went crazy and really hurt our other dog and it scared us so much...My husband hated to do it, but the shelter assured him it was the right thing to do, with small children and another animal,it wasn't the home for Charlie. Hope your energy comes back in full force this week!
ReplyDeleteTracy
Jean, I was so thrilled for you when I read your story about adopting Chance, but having worked in Springer Spaniel Rescue, I learned there are just some situations that require the dog being returned, and yours sure was one of those situations. Just rest in the fact that someone else will provide him with his forever home, and you made the right decision for both him and your family. Praying for renewed strength and energy during your 7 days off!
ReplyDelete