A Little Glimps of Day Zero-My Stem Cell Transplant

Well I finally have a little energy this morning to fill you all in on the actual transplant.  Leading up to the actual transplant my wonderful nurse Diane gave me Benedryl and Zofran and lots of fluids via IV.  Apparently the preservative that the stem cells are in lets out a terrible smell that can actually make the patient pretty sick. So to try to prevent that she gave me all the good drugs.  Mike was here along with my mom and dad. We saw the cooler arrive at the nurses station.  The goods had arrived!

A member of the clergy came in and actually blessed my stem cells. It was a beautiful and emotional ceremony. My mom held my bag of stem cells with me as they were blessed.  To think of the long road it took to get to this point. The emotional distress, the days upon days of appointments and chemo and drugs.  The three long days collecting the stem cells.  And now here we were. Now I was ready to accept these stem cells and hope they restore all the damage the chemotherapy has caused to my bone marrow.  Once the blessing was done, the bag of stem cells was hooked up to my IV.  Right away we began to smell a very gross smell.  Kind of like a mixture of rotten eggs, and basil. Not very pleasant!  The nurse got me a mask to wear but the smell was so overwhelming, I actually began to taste it.  Immediately my body responded and the nurse was fetching for the bed pan.  I sat there getting sick over and over until nothing was left in me.  Kind of anti climatic after the beautiful ceremony we had just had moment before. 

After all that was over, my body begged to sleep.  Mike and my parents left and I slept the rest of the afternoon away.  The nurses kept giving me Zofran to try to ward off any nausea. But it keep creeping back.  Last night again I found myself getting sick over and over again.  It is a very lonely feeling getting so violently ill in a hospital without my husband there by my side.    I cleaned myself up and called Mike and cried.

I  cried myself to sleep. And stayed asleep until the 3AM Vital checks. Still feeling nauseous I slept until about 7 this morning.  I took a shower this morning and the little hair I have on my head is quickly disappearing and I have noticed there is no need to shave my legs (a little bonus I guess!)

I am looking forward to seeing Beth this morning and Mike.  Today is Day 1 of the rest of my life!!  I hope each day will get better and better and I will begin feeling stronger and stronger.  Thank you for all your love, support and prayers. Even in my darkest moments I truly believe I come out the other side to a more positive outlook because of all your love and support.

Me absolutely exhausted from all the Benedryl and Ativan

Mom and Dad here for the Big Moment!

All 5.75 Million Stemmies!!

During The Transplant!

The Countdown-1 More Hour Until Stem Cell Rescue

We are about 1 hour before Stem Cell Rescue! Mike, myself and my IV Pole we call George just took a stroll about 30 feet in each direction of the short hallway outside my room.  Right now I am getting pumped with lots of fluids.  Next comes the good stuff. I will be getting some Benedryl and Zofran.  And then the stem cells will arrive.  We are going to have them blessed.  I feel at this point I can use all the blessings I can get.

Mikey will take some photos of the event.  For now, we are watching mindless tv.  Mikey is enjoying the last few moments that my room is not stinky.  Apparently the solution (DMSO) the stem cells are preserved in let out a gas that is similar to a rotten egg smell.  I guess I won't be getting too many visitors soon.

The Morning Of Day Zero

I just woke up from a very much needed sleep.  It is amazing how powerful this Melphalan is.  And I know I am only feeling the begining effects of it. Right now just feeling nausea and that wiped out feeling again.  I was just told by the nurse that I am very dehydrated so I guess I need to drink up.  I haven't had much of an appetite.  So time to drink up!

Yesterday I had a very busy day with visitors.  It was great to see everyone.  The morning started out with Mike and his mom who were here for most of the day.  Then I had a nice visit from a woman who works in the hospital who is a Reiki Master.  She performed  Reiki on my for about 20 minutes.  It was wonderful!!  I felt so peaceful and was able to escape from this little fishbowl for awhile.

Then came along Suzi, and then My Aunt Sue, my sister Karen and my cousin Suzanne.  It was so great to see all of them.  My aunt brought me a huge rainbow mylar balloon.  My room is full of  rainbows and bright colors it is great.  Every nurse that comes in wants to stay in here!  After a nice visit Mikey literally kicked them out so that I could rest.  He is so protective!  They all understood, and I was exhausted.

I was ready to take a nap when a nurse came in and offered to shave my head.  For the past couple of days I wake up to  hair all over my pillow.  When I take a shower lots of it falls out all on to my hands.  And when I was drying off my towel was covered in it.  It's really falling out!  So much for trying to be one patient that doesn't lose their hair.  Mine is falling out as fast just like the little remaining leaves on the trees outside.  As the hair follicles die, it causes your scalp to hurt.  It feels like pins and needles are being stuck in to a giant pin cushion, which is my head.  So this wonderful nurse came in with her buzzer and shaved it right down to the scalp!  Yup I'm pretty much bald!

Well after that fun was over, Mike brought in a special suprise guest, My funny Uncle John!  He always brings a big smile to my face.  As many of you know him, he is also a little follicle challenged.  So we laughed  how he could put on a johnny and walk up and down the hallway with a mask and gloves and he could definitely pass a patient!



After all the visitors left Mike and I were alone in the room.  I called the kids.  I miss them so much.  They sound incredible on the phone but I miss all of their hugs and kisses.  Mitch got on the the phone and confessed to me that while he was in class he thought of me and he got very sad and tried to hold back the tears.  That broke my heart.  This is so difficult on all of them.  I know I need to go through this but I still have my moments where I am so sad that they need to go through this.  How scary for the kids and Mike with having me in here for 3 weeks and knowing I am going to feel very sick before I start to get better.  Especially knowing the fact that I walked into this hospital feeling absolutely healthy and fine. 

I am now starting to really feel the fatigue everyone tells you about that chemo can cause.  Just taking a slow stroll up and down the hallway wipes me out.  My appetite is no longer there and the thought of food makes me a little sick.  Even with my hair as short as it is, I still woke up to it all over my pillow.  It is happening right before my eyes.  As they say, they need to bring you down all the way down before you can be brought back up.  So I guess I am heading in the down slope right now.  Before Mike left last night, I just lost it in his arms.  If felt good to be honest with him and just let all my emotions show, but at the same time I know how difficult this is for him.  After he left, I cried myself to sleep.

Well today is what they consider my Rebirth Day, Day Zero!!  I will be receiving my 5 million stem cells back.  The chemo has destroyed all my bone marrow and now its time for the stem cells to come back in and do their job. This will be happening at around noon time.  As Mikey puts it this is the time they reboot my system!  We'll be sure to take photos of the event.

Thank you for all your love and support.  Being stuck in this fishbowl is very difficult but your incredible messages keep me going. 
Love  to you all-
Jeanie